This weekend was a weekend of rebuilding and strengthening relationships with the men in my life (and churning out files for work calls on Saturday and Sunday, but that make a much less interesting post).
In 3 months I’ll have reached the 6th year of my relationship with CB, whom I met in high school. We’re both college graduates now, and still going. We’ve had big ups and downs, because of immaturity, insecurity, physical distance, and just plain ol’ growing-up on both sides. Sometimes, looking back, and looking at the seventeen-year-olds I know, I think it’s a minor miracle that we’ve made it this far when we started so young.
I’ve learned a lot about myself through the process. I’ve learned that perfection does not belong to man, nor woman, though that has been harder for me to accept. 😉 I’m learning how to fight fair, and how to let go of the little hurts, annoyances and misunderstandings so they don’t poison the important stuff. I have learned am still learning that love is as much a verb as it is a noun.
This weekend I also reached out to Dad, with whom I’ve had a strained relationship in high school and a distant one in college. We never really fought after I left for college, but that’s because we stopped talking about anything beyond the most basic of niceties.
Now that I’ve finally had some (8 years worth!) of distance between us, I can move beyond the hurt that I felt as a teenager, realize that all relationships have faults, and see that at the end of the day, he’s still the only father I’ve got. Daddy’s little girl? Maybe not quite, but it’s never too late to try to build something new and better.
God is referred to as “He” in the Bible, but I think just as He is beyond human, he is also beyond human gender categorization (and I’ve taken a class called “Divine Feminine” in college). I am still working on building a spiritual life, and cultivating a relationship with something greater than myself and my own little world. It’s a work in progress.
I write a personal journal, and I tell God that I am pro-choice and I believe in evolution, and I ask Him why can’t we stop killing in His name, and why are there wars and accidents and crimes and horrible genetic diseases. I don’t have the answers, but I pray to Him nonetheless. A little bit of faith? That must be it.
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