“Caroline” and I were close friends in middle school. We hung out a lot, slept over at each other’s houses, checked out eyeshadow at the local Bath & Body Works, giggled about boys we had crushes on and worked as partners on a science project.
But after middle school, we headed to different high schools. We gradually drifted apart. At first, I tried to stay in touch. I called, emailed, and AIM-ed her. We tried to set something up several times, but she was usually busy with other things. Then she got a boyfriend and got even more preoccupied. I wasn’t mad (okay, maybe I was a tiny bit mad) – I understood that we were growing up and life gets busy and sometimes that means growing apart. We didn’t see each other in person again after middle school, even though we only lived 15 minutes apart.
I made an effort to stay in touch for a long time. But eventually I realized I was 19, still trying to resurrect a friendship that has faded away five years prior. So I let it go. For a long time I was a bit saddened that this wonderful friend of my childhood is now, for all intents and purposes, just another girl I’d pass by on the street.
A couple of years ago I saw her at a local CPK. Caroline didn’t notice me, and I didn’t go up to her and say hi. The whole reintroduction would’ve felt a little strained. Not because there are bad feelings between us, but because we are different people now, and even though we had been best friends at 13, we were almost strangers at 23.
I haven’t thought about Caroline for a long time. When I read Krystal’s post on a friend whom she is no longer close to, however, Caroline was the first name to leap to my mind. Last I heard, she is going to graduate school somewhere in California. I hope she is doing well.
Your post and Krystal’s post reminded me of a very similar situation that I had. I went to a different high school than my best friend from middle school… and whenever I tried to get together, she always was busy with homework/chores/boyfriend. So, the friendship slid away. I have seen her occasionally (once every few years) since and we’re amicable – but, like you said, she’s really just another person on the street. It’s interesting how these things work: friendships come and go, just like relationships. Though you’d think friendships would be easier to hold on to…
I went through the same thing twice. Both were best friends, and we just grew apart due to boyfriends, or different interests. I’m friends with them on fb now, and it’s really strange to see how they’re still close with other mutual friends of ours.
It’s so hard. With other friends, we’ve drifted apart and I’ve been okay with it – people grow apart, that’s life. But with him, it’s different. I can’t let it go! We were best friends, and he helped make me into what I am today. And yeah, maybe we outgrew the way our friendship was going … but to all of a sudden get cut out (with no explanation), and then not even invited to his wedding … that’s just cruel.
I guess with some people it’s harder to let go of the friendship. Perhaps Caroline really had an impact in your life, and you miss the way she made you feel. And you miss the friendship and bond you once had. Sometimes I wonder why we let close relationships like that fade away … but then I realize that there’s no way we can keep in contact and keep relationships with everyone that we meet in our lives. And when one person drifts away, they’re just making room for some new friendship to take their place.
This happens to all of us at some point, especially when people get married and have children. I moved out of state a few years ago and then a reasonably close friend of mine also moved here for school and I thought we’d see each more often, but that is not the case. She got married and had a baby and then dropped off the face of the earth. Granted, our interests have diverged from what they were in high school, but I’m still disappointed. I understand that she has additional responsibilities now, but if our friendship really mattered, I would hope that she’d make time for me. Who knows, maybe we’ll rekindle our relationship in the future, but I’m tired of being the one reaching out just because I happen to be unmarried and not have kids.