Things have been… a little stressful.
A big reason why I am saving so aggressively is because I am worried about my job. In my line of work, the billable hour is key (I don’t work in law, but the concept is similar). If you don’t bill, you don’t generate revenue, and if you don’t generate revenue, the firm has no reason to keep you.
Some weeks I’d work past midnight and have 8AM Saturday calls, etc., but some weeks I’d bill 2 hours for the entire week. Averaged out, my billing is below target. That means I am not producing enough revenue to make my position worthwhile. I’m going to have to be a lot more aggressive about getting on projects.
I’ve approached a manager about an upcoming project. If it turns into a long-term engagement, that’d be a really good development. In addition, there are areas of improvement that I really want to hit in terms of improving my technical modeling skills, seeing the “bigger picture”, etc. There are two managers who will likely write my business school recommendations, so that’s an added incentive to perform extra well for them (in addition to, you know, not get laid off).
So that’s the reason why I’m looking at 2009 with a sense of trepidation. The economy sucks. Unemployment is up. California is broke (IOUs for tax refunds, seriously?!). Graduate school applications are skyrocketing. I have to retake the GMAT and do better than the 88th percentile I scored the first time.
I’ve always been one of those people who overachieved. Who had a PLAN. Who did well. I’m trying to get that spark back.
I look around and try not to feel like a failure because everyone around me seems to be loving their jobs, winning promotions, going on cool trips, scoring 750+ on the GMAT, getting engaged, running marathons, and buying real estate.
I try to pray and be thankful for what I have.
I try not to mind that I don’t have life figured out.