I have a confession to make.
Being “responsible” about saving and managing my money might be a symptom of something that’s far less positive - I’m so focused on achieving financial stability because I feel like in so many other parts of my life I am just floundering. Like a flounder. In the sea. (Think of Dory in Finding Nemo. Although I’m sure she’s not a flounder).
Most days I am really tired. And down. I feel old. Not in the chronological way, but in a, I’m 22, I’m in the office all the time, I never see my rooomate, I am afraid of looking at my blackberry on the weekends, I haven’t been to the gym in forever, I’m eating expensed meals at work every night and while having no dinner expenses might be good for my budget, it’s wrecking havoc on my waistline, cholestrol, and friendships (if I listen really closely, I can hear my poor clogged arteries trying to protest. Then I eat another greasy piece of fried chicken), way.
But maybe that’s my problem - I haven’t been focusing on the positives of the situation, which, though I may seem bitter & down, do exist.
Let’s see:
I have a job will enable me to achieve my financial goals, has great benefits, and offers me opportunities to learn about different industries & businesses. I am still young, despite how I might feel at times. I have the chance & the time to strike out in a different path once I’ve gained some experience. I have a good friend at work whom I can count on for support & camaraderie. I have parents who love me and brings food for me when I’m feeling sick. I have an aunt who commiserates with me and advises me when I’m tired and down in the dumps. I have CB whom I live close enough to see on the weekends when I don’t have to work. I have a degree from a good school. I have an emergency fund of $8,000+. I am smart. I have options. I am not stuck. I am learning about myself and what I want in life, which, at 22, is a pretty great development, even if that lesson has to come by at 11 PM, when I am still at work.
So… first order of business: join a gym and go twice a week. There’s a gym close to work that costs $45/month. Is it pricey? Do I want to die an early death from pent-up stress & clogged-up arteries? Um - no. So there. It’s not too expensive.
2nd order of business: learn to let things go - be more zen, I guess. Just… chill. This is not the end of the world. Before I know it I won’t be a newbie at work anymore - instead, a new crop of newbies will come in to take my place. Muahahah.
3rd order of business: Continue to build my savings so that I have financial flexibility in the future, so that I can reach the “crossover” point more quickly.
4th order of business: write a list of things I’m grateful for, every day. The wildfires in SoCal and the homeless man that I pass by every day on the way to work all remind me that I still have so much to be grateful for. And there’s a selfish reason for wanting to feel grateful to - I want to feel better. I want to be happier. I don’t want to be the overly-bitter, overly-stressed, overly-unhealthy workaholic that I fear I’m turning into. And if I feel more grateful, I will feel happier. It’s scientifically proven (right? RIGHT?).
5th order of business: learn as much as I can at my job & gain as much experience as I can. I’m at work to learn, to contribute what I can, to develop my professional & technical skills. Keep perspective - this is not forever. Not by a long shot. And whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.
6th order of business: pray. To be honest - I’m not a religious person, but part of growing up is realizing when I need help and when it helps to believe in something greater and to draw strength from something greater. So I’m starting to pray, and if you are so inclined, feel free to pray for me also. Good thoughts never hurt.
great post.. re: 6th order of business. While I was once very religious, I then got very “intellectual” about religion, and started believing less. but more and more, I see good things happening for me that could only be coming from something greater. whatever gets you back, right?
Thanks so much for this post! It couldn’t have come on a better day as far as I’m concerned. Though my job is less intense than yours (consulting), today is still a tough day for me in terms of what I need to get done and how quickly (yet i’m taking a break to read your latest post and comment on it). Reading it made me feel better, so I hope that writing it did the same for you.
You are absolutely right. We need to look for what is good, for the reasons we chose our jobs, lives, etc. This floundering (which I think most people our age are feeling) is ok, we need to figure out what it is we want, what makes us happy and how to get it. No wonder they call it the quarter-life crisis.
Learn as much as you can, everywhere you can and maybe then we’ll have some sort of answer for something.
It’s so easy to get mired down in the depressing, dreary aspects as a newbie; I’m glad you do have the support system to help you out when it gets to be a bit much. Working out will do wonders for your health, so no, $45 for a convenient gym isn’t too much considering how much money you’re saving elsewhere.
Hang in there, chica! This, too, shall pass. And you’ll soon have peons of your own …. heh .. heh ..
The goals you have set for yourself are excellent. You missed one though… changing some of your eating habits. The fuel you put into your body is going to effect it. If you put good, clean, nourishing fuel, you’ll feel more upbeat and healthier. If you put fried chicken (saturated fat, hormones, steroids, antibiotics and grease), your body is going to feel it.
It’s possible to eat healthy on a restaurant diet. Look for alternatives at the places you frequent. Lemon chicken with steamed vegetables? Baby greens with gorgonzola, pecans and apples?
I was thinking more like Flounder from The Little Mermaid. Dory looked like a Blue Tang to me, and I think she was too neurotic, rather than troubled and uncertain like Flounder was.
I make with the manly comments.
Going to the gym is always a good idea, but I think the first order of business should probably focus more on determining causes rather than applying treatments. Oh, and I don’t mean that to sound as stuffy as it probably does. You probably can easily point at any number of things that cause you stress, or unhappiness. I just happen to think that those things usually point at other, more important things, is all.
What you talked about… that’s what I see all around me here in Bay Area, Cali. Bunch of engineers and entrepreneurs working relentlessly for success, money, and fame, all the while frequently neglecting and forgetting about living life and staying healthy to enjoy those things they’re striving so hard for. Sometimes I feel I’m alone in my quest of “just doing my best, but always fully experience life itself”.
Since you mention Zen, I would like to recommend this book to you: Nothing Special, Living Zen by Charlotte Joko Beck, a book I coincidentally picked up in a 2nd hand bookstore, but I am very glad I did.
I started a habit about 3 years ago. I write down 5 things EVERY DAY that made me happy. Sometimes it was as simple as some stranger held the door for me at the coffee shop, and sometimes it was finding $2 on the ground. Sometimes it was just not being home when the bill collector phoned.
But making that habit, really made my attitude change. I became a CONSISTENTLY much more pleasant person to be around.
I strongly recommend it. When I’m having a particularly horrible day, I start composing my list in advance. When I find I haven’t made a list in a while? I notice that my stress levels increase.
Look after you.
What a very excellent post. I relate in so many ways. And yes, I will pray for you.
Wow I feel you.
I hope things improve and you don’t feel so tired! Take care of yourself first and foremost especially your health. Can you eat salads for expensed meals or choose more healthier options such as grilled chicken breast with steamed vegetables or eat less?
Wow - thanks for sharing. I am right there with you on hiding out from the blackberry. In fact I’m avoiding mine right now.
You are so much ahead of the game - only 22!! - and clearly a planner. I think your list making instinct is right on. I keep a list of my life priorities and review my schedule to ensure I’m spending enough time on each of my priorities (health, friends, family etc) and that my time allocation is helping me reach my goals.
The gym was one of my first life changes and the ROI is well worth the monthly fee. I feel like I’m on top of the world after finishing my workout - I feel healthier, happier (really!!!) and much more zen.
On the work front, just reminding yourself you have options is huge (and congrats to you on having that emergency fund so quick out of the gate)!
Then I focus on how my job can help me reach my personal goals (again referencing one of those all important lists)- how can your job help YOU? Honing in on how the job can help me reach my goals makes me feel less bitter about the hours. If your job ISN’T helping you anymore than it’s time to change jobs.
Wow, sounds like you’ve got things pretty well under control - good for you! The cost of the gym is well worth it.
I have two more recommendations for you to try for two weeks: yoga classes and an all-natural, low fat diet (whole grains, fruits, veggies, nuts, beans, etc–I’d go vegan as well, but at least cut out red meat and full fat dairy for the two week trial period). I promise it will reinvigorate and energize you.
I do love your to-do list though. I started a gratitude journal awhile back, and though I don’t write in it regularly anymore, it really changed my mindset. There are so many ways my life could be worse that it’s almost embarassing that I’m ever depressed, lonely, or sad. There are innocent people in jail, young mothers with cancer, and abused children all over America. Not only have I escaped that and countless other tragedies, I too have a great job in a thriving field and am much better off financially than most people my age. I think it really helps to volunteer and to give back financially–when I experience giving and see people who need and appreciate a few of my dollars so much more than I would treasure them, it really frees me mentally and emotionally.
On a related note, I think you hit on a key reason that people get obsessed with their finances (including me!). It’s not always about the money; it’s about feeling in control of something. It’s like anorexia–it’s not about being skinny as much as it’s about being in control when you can’t control anything else.
Thank you everyone for your kind words - they really mean alot to me. I hope this “floundering” IS normal.. hopefully this is not the beginning of a quarter-life crisis!
I feel what you’re saying about different aspects of life feeling overwhelming sometimes. I 100% agree with Meg that Yoga classes are the way to go.
1. Yoga classes are a workout! You will sweat and burn calories.
2. While yoga classes vary greatly, usually at each session you set an “intention” which helps one reflect and be introspective. They sometimes read spiritual poems or mantras that help me relax and not sweat the small stuff.
3. About control: Learning a new art like yoga helps with impulses like feeling you have to be the best or perfect. There is no perfect yoga practice. Yoga classes are very non-competitive. It’s a great oasis to relax and be honest with yourself.
Good luck!
You will not really begin to know yourself until 25. Over time, you will find new meaning in sayings like “If I only knew then what I know now”. The difference between knowledge and wisdom is indeed experience.
I promise you:
* If you stay the course, it will happen…it only seems slow…until you’re 35.
* Your family is all that truly matters in life…but you don’t really / truly recognize it until you have one of your own
* You can not run away from yourself (although we might want to from time to time)
Keep doing what you’re doing…just don’t cheat yourself. There’s meaning in “smelling the roses”.
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